MTA: lose the rubber

On any given day in New York City, at some time or another, if you use mass transit to get around you will find yourself in a crowded subway car. Said crowded subway car becomes crowded through various ways. I believe it’s mostly due to not enough cars being dispatched to begin with. No matter how much they raise the fare things don’t ever seem to be getting better only worse. Perhaps all this excess money is going toward the wages of the rats who infest many of the lines I travel and are probably there to pursuade people into huddling close out of fear therefore allowing a greater amount of people to fit into a limited amount of space. Who knows? The MTA however uses excuses like track fires from litter (has anyone actually even seen a track fire?!), and holding the car doors when they’re trying to close. A much more plausible concept and something we all see happen every day. 

So while I don’t believe in these magical track fires I do believe in assholes (including myself) holding the doors to either force themselves in the car or for someone else who is still walking down the stairs, “attempting” to catch the train at the same pace some attempt to catch a turtle (this would be me and my daughter) and on a normal morning commute while witnessing this door holding phenomenon I had an epiphany that would all but halt door holding and also provide insane entertainment when someone does attempt to force the doors to do the opposite of what their mechanisms are trying to accomplish- lose the rubber! That’s right, lose the rubber tipped doors and replace them with razor sharpened blades instead! 

This way anyone who dared hold the doors would find themselves dismembered or at times even completely cut in half! Since I’ve had this awe-inspiring realization it has provided me with many instances of laughter as I imagine someone’s torso lying on the subway platform or fingers being the only thing that made it into the car, among many other body parts already piling on just from that trip alone.

Of course this could never be implemented though as I am sure it’s unethical for some reason or another. Also, more importantly, I’m sure the MTA couldn’t even afford to maintain razor sharp blades since they’re spending too much money employing rats.


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