Meeting Snack: A Hummus Story

At my current internship there are short hour long meetings held weekly in which one person on the team is responsible to buy snacks. These snacks should be in the $20 range as we are reimbursed. It’s sort of like the Secret Santa version of snacks, you have a fiscal limit, the element of surprise, and everyone involved participates and get something in return. Sometimes something you don’t like, depending on the buyer. 

At this point we’ve had maybe ten meetings all of which have included gluten free, lactose limited, healthy(ish) snacks which to me is also associated with upper-class people. White people. In my world upper-class is pretty much exclusively white which is really a problem in itself. Now I’m a 27-year-old Hispanic female who’s idea of healthy means I’ll eat 5 chips ahoy cookies instead of the whole pack (and yes I’m slightly overweight, thank you very much). In my local supermarket, growing up there weren’t many options of organic foods and gluten free didn’t exist in my world, so imagine the kind of anxiety I had when it was my turn to buy snacks. Buying for a specific audience I wasn’t accostomed to buying for while also being on a budget felt like social suicide. I was going to fail, my snack was going to suck and everyone was going to hate me. I tried Trader Joes as that seemed appropriate and I’d noticed previous snack buyers bringing in snacks in bags marked with the famous Trader Joes logo but when I arrived (around noon on a week day) there was a line just to get in the store and the line to check out wrapped around the store inside practically ending at the entrance. I didn’t have enough time. So now added to the stress of buying food I knew nothing about, limited by a budget now I was also running low on time. I’m crashing and burning here people! Crashing and burning!

I quickly speed walk to another supermarket, Gristedes, which should really have the subline: extremely expensive groceries you can get half price in a different borough. Here I grabbed grapes because grapes felt like safe food. That was a little over $8. Eight dollars for grapes!?! This is why the minority people are so unhealthy. We can’t afford $8 for grapes when $8 can buy a meal of rice, beans and chicken for a small family. Granted in my neighborhood on sale I could probably get the same amount of grapes for $4. So now I have $12 left and I’m at a complete fucking panic walking back and forth in the same aisle cause I have no clue what to do. Some type of chips. And dip. Dip dip dip into my sanity because I can’t buy Tostitos here! And they would not like Tostitos cause I doubt that’s gluten free or healthy. Hummus! I think white people like hummus. So I grab hummus and now I have to find something to dip in the hummus so I grab these flat pretzel chips (that scream healthy snack) in 2 different flavor and I’m at $20. 

Failure. All I managed is 2 bags of chips, hummus and grapes. And the only thing I know I like is grapes because I’ve never in my life tried hummus and those chips look like they could quiet possibly taste like cardboard. I’ve set myself up for failure! So I go to Duane Reade and throw in some sea salt cheesecake caramel cookies that are like a sweet orgasm in a cookie and also very fattening and unhealthy I’m sure cause they taste too damn good to be otherwise.

Purchasing done I head back with some time to spare. Absolutely dreading every moment and wishing I could quit life every breath of the way I walk in and set up and pray. Watching everyone’s reaction I am fearful someone is going to spit up the crap I put in front of them and that’s exactly the opposite of what happened. The pretzel chips were amazing in the hummus. Oh my god is hummus a nice dip! I am very much disappointing I have been neglected this secret pleasure. Anxiety alleviated I felt like I could pass out across the meeting table. Thank god we had snacks to keep me awake.

Now to go buy myself some hummus.

Also, everyone loved my fatty cookies so ha! Stupid anxiety.

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